THE ART OF SAYING NO WITHOUT GUILT
- Dayita Ghosh
- Jul 10, 2025
- 4 min read
Did you ever face a situation when a request conflicted with your priorities, but you still said ‘yes’? Maybe you lacked the resources and time to fulfill it, or the request was unethical and unsafe. Oftentimes in our lives, we agree to fulfill someone’s request just to save the relationship with that person. This is exactly why everyone needs to learn ‘The Art of saying “no” without guilt’.
Reasons why people hesitate to say ‘no’:
They think that people might stop liking them if they decline a request- People with childhood trauma who grew up needing approval from their parents may have a harder time saying ‘no’. If their trauma is not healed, they will constantly seek validation from others even if it means neglecting their own personal well-being.
They do not want to jeopardize their relationship- A lot of times saying ‘no’ means growing distant from a person who was important to you. People do not want this to happen, so instead they just say ‘yes’.
They are worried that saying ‘no’ might make them look unhelpful which might affect their future prospects- Individuals who work at a company may find it difficult to say ‘no’ to someone like their manager’s request because they know if they want to get to a better position, they need the approval of the manager. Saying ‘no’ might make them look unhelpful which is not a good trait for a person working under someone.
The guilt of saying ‘no’ afterwards is so great that they refuse to do it- Some people start having severe anxiety, sleepless nights and stress.
They believe that saying ‘no’ makes them a bad person- Some people have been brought up with the belief that saying ‘no’ makes them a bad person, so they just want to uphold that belief. This could be cultural or religious beliefs.
They want to seem like a team player- When people are working in a team, they want to seem like an ideal team player. Saying ‘no’ to things like doing more work than others ruins that image, so people agree to these things even if it is unfair.
When you say ‘no’, you set up boundaries. Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves to protect our time and energy. Without boundaries, we may find ourselves constantly taking on more than we can handle and neglecting our own needs. Additionally, not setting up boundaries means that there is a greater chance that we could be taken advantage of.
Constantly agreeing to others’ requests without thinking about the negative impact on you leads to ‘people pleasing’. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) defines people pleasing behavior as a pattern where someone starts prioritizing the needs and desires of others over their own, either out of a need for approval or a fear of rejection. People pleasing behavior is different from genuine kindness or generosity because pleasing others without having boundaries leads to emotional distress and negligence towards personal well-being.
Here are some benefits of saying ‘no’ when you don’t agree to someone’s requests:
It helps us have more control over our life- When you say ‘no’ you set up boundaries and prioritize your own needs.
People around start respecting us more when we don’t agree to everything they ask for- When you are available for everything, people start taking advantage of you. Saying ‘no’ once in a while shows that you have other things to do other than fulfilling their needs, it shows that you would not do anything that bad for your own well-being.
Saying ‘no’ builds confidence that helps us make better decisions in the future- When you say ‘no’ to someone, you start becoming more comfortable with doing uncomfortable tasks. The more you do something that is out of your comfort zone, you become more confident.
We remain focused on the important things in our life and work towards our goals- When you refuse to do things for people that have no importance in your life, you start prioritizing yourself and your goals. You have more time to work for your goals, which makes it more likely that you will achieve them.
Saying ‘no’ prevents burnout- You start taking more rest when you do not have to fulfill others’ needs in addition to yours. This means you have more time after work from recovery and are less likely to be burnt out.
When do you need to say no?
Situations where the request conflicts with personal values- Fulfilling someone else’s needs does not mean you have to do something that conflicts with your personal needs
You want to do it, but you do not have the time for it
You don’t want to do it, but you are afraid to lose your relationship with the person
When the request is unsafe or illegal
The most essential step to saying ‘no’ anywhere is to realize whether it crosses your boundaries and does not align with your personal values.
Here are the steps to determine your personal values:
Identify the times when you were the happiest or you were the most proud
Identify the times where you were sad because of making a certain decision
Write down your top values and boundaries you will never cross
Your personal values are a combination of your life experiences and upbringing
The next thing is to determine the most important people in your life. These are people you would rush to help without any hesitation because of their importance in your life, for example, your parents.
How to say ‘no’ without guilt?
Recognize that setting boundaries is healthy and essential for your wellbeing
Always remember that you are not responsible for someone else’s reaction to you saying ‘no’
Use phrases like ‘That does not work for me right now’ or ‘I cannot commit to this because it does not align with my personal values’
Avoid vague excuses or over-explaining
Be clear and direct while saying ‘no’
In short, saying ‘no’ may seem like a harder action to take at the moment, but it is better in the long run. If you say ‘yes’ to doing something you rather would not, you risk having sleepless nights, guilt for multiple days and anxiety. There is a saying, ‘You should always fill your own cup before filling anyone else’s’. I think everyone should remember this before helping anyone. Always prioritize your own needs before doing something for someone else.
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