Updated: Jun 27, 2022
TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains content about sexual abuse and attempted suicide.
Growing up I was generally a happy child and was unaware of the trauma I would later notice I obtained and mental disorders I developed as a child. Around 7-8 years old I was molested for the first time by my doctor, an old man, I thought it was procedure and I was dramatic for being so scared but it was not until 6 years later I realized that was wrong. At 10 I began having a very hard time getting to school, I cried every morning and was constantly angry at everything. By 6th grade I cried every morning and night for no apparent reason, but I figured it was a normal response to stress or life. I did not realize how severely I was struggling until I went away in the 7th grade over the summer and noticed no one else was crying every day and not sleeping. This was also around the time I began to be sexually harassed by multiple people in my school which continued until I left for high school. In 8th grade my mental state plummeted more than ever before, I became suicidal and desperate for help. I tried to tell my parents and they rejected my calls for help no matter how severe they were, with that and the stress of severe bullying I began self harming and became addicted. A month later was my first attempt at ending my life. I thought it would get better but going into high school I ended up in an abusive relationship and self-harming worse than ever before; many people were worried and the school interfered sending me to therapy and a psychiatrist. I was then diagnosed with severe depression, I began medication and ended up going through 8 medications and 4 therapists before being diagnosed with pmdd (pre-menstrual mood disorder), anxiety, and insomnia. A year ago from now I attempted for the last time and after seeing how it affected everyone around me I began throwing my life away. I relapsed, engaged in extremely impulsive dangerous activities, and gained an addiction to drugs. I thought things could not get any worse but in August I was raped 3 times, I had no idea how much it was going to effect me but it changed everything about who I thought I was. Thankfully, an amazing girl came into my life and helped me get off of drugs and clean things up for myself, she saved my life. Although I am safer now, I am no where near recovered from the trauma of the last 6 years and what happened in August above all. I am trying multiple medications, therapy, and will soon be getting tested for other mental disorders to figure out how to help me; my life has been hell but I know I am going to be okay. I hope my story can help others know they are not alone and someone out there understands them and despite all the horrible things I have been through I am still alive, and for that I am grateful.